to impress that cute young thing

Via

 Dougie Fresh

An old guy … ok, a guy my age and not in the best of shape.... was working out in the gym when he spotted a sexy and beautiful young woman. He asked the nearby trainer.... "What machine should I use in here to impress that cute young thing over there?" The trainer looked him up and down and said..... "If I were you...I'd try the ATM in the lobby."

Cow, an Ant and an Old Fart

via

Danny T.

A Cow, an Ant and an Old Fart are debating on who is the greatest of the three of them.

The Cow:  I give 50 liters of milk every day and that's why I am the greatest!! 

The Ant:  I work day and night, summer and winter,

 I can carry 52 times my own weight and that's why I am the greatest!!

  

  

Why are you scrolling down?  It's your turn to say something... 

Life with Kaishon

Life with Kaishon

Two sisters, one blonde and one brunette, . . .

Philosophy of Relationships

{via
Billy C.}|

Philosophy of Relationships

as expressed by
Prominent Philosophers:



 











 

 

 

 

 


And my favorite one of all............ 

LADY'S YEARLY EXAM

Image via Wikipedia{LADY'S YEARLY EXAM
via
Billy C.}|

LADY'S YEARLY EXAM

I went to the doctor for my yearly physical. 
The nurse started with certain basics.

"How much do you weigh?" she asked.
"135," I said.
The nurse put me on the scale.

It turns out my weight is 180.

The nurse asked, "Your height?"
"5 foot 6," I said.
The nurse checked and saw that I only measure 5' 2"

She then took my blood pressure and told me that it is very high.

"Of course it's high!" I screamed, 'When I came in here I
was tall and slender! Now I'm short and fat!"

She put me on Prozac.

What a bitch.

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Does Your Woman Look Like This?

{via Billy C}|

I'm resigning

{from Bill C.}
================================================================


Dear Boss:


I'm resigning, effective immediately! 


The reason for my resignation is that
 I cleaned my aunt's garage this morning
 before coming to work and realized
 I don't feel like working anymore.

see?

how was I born?

Daddy, how was I born?  A little boy goes to his father and asks 'Daddy, how was I born ?'   The father answers, 'Well, son, I guess one day you will need to find out anyway!  YourMom and I first got together in a chat roomon Yahoo.  Then I set up a date via e-mailwith your Mom and we met at a cyber-cafe.  We sneaked into a secluded room, and googledeach other.  There your mother agreed to adownload from my hard drive.  As soon as I was ready to upload, we discovered that neither one of us had used a firewall, and since it was too late to hit the delete button , nine months later a little Pop-Upappeared that said:   Scroll down...You'll love this .......                'You got Male!

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• Cristiano Ronaldo, Jr. Cheers On His Daddy From The Soccer Stands (pinkisthenewblog.com)

I'm from the government...don't tell me what I can and can't do!

from Micaela
=========


DEA officer stops at a ranch in Texas , and talks with an old rancher. He tells the rancher, "I need to inspect your ranch for

illegally grown drugs." The rancher says, "Okay, but do not go in that field over there," as he points out the location.

The DEA officer verbally explodes saying, "Mister, I have the authority of the Federal Government with me." Reaching into

his rear pants pocket, he removes his badge and proudly displays it to the rancher. "See this badge? This badge means I am

allowed to go wherever I wish.... On any land. No questions asked or answers given. Have I made myself clear?

Do you understand? "



The rancher nods politely, apologizes, and goes about his chores.



A short time later, the old rancher hears loud screams and sees the DEA officer running for his life chased by the rancher's

big Santa Gertrudis bull......

..

.ero

.