..
ero
.
7/29/10
The Power of Alcohol.
from Raymond F.
> > >The Power of Alcohol.
> > >
> > >A man is waiting for his wife to give birth. The doctor
> > comes in and
> > >informs the dad that his son was born without torso,
> > arms or legs. The
> > son is just a head!
> > >But the dad loves his son and raises him as well as he
> > can, with love
> > >and compassion.
> > >
> > >After 21 years, the son is now old enough for his first
> > drink. Dad
> > >takes him to the bar, tearfully tells the son he is
> > proud of him and
> > >orders up the biggest, strongest drink for his
> > boy. With all the bar
> > >patrons looking on curiously and the bartender shaking
> > his head in
> > >disbelief, the boy takes his first sip of alcohol.
> > >
> > >Swoooosh! Plop! A torso pops
> > out! The bar is dead silent; then
> > >bursts into whoops of joy. The father, shocked,
> > begs his son to drink
> > >again. The patrons chant "Take another
> > drink!"
> > >
> > >The bartender continues to shake his head in dismay .
> > Swoooosh! Plip!
> > >Plop! Two arms pop out.
> > >
> > >The bar goes wild. The father crying and wailing,
> > begs his son to
> > drink again.
> > >The patrons chant, "Take another drink! Take
> > another drink!"
> > >The bartender ignores the whole affair and goes back to
> > polishing
> > >glasses, shaking his head, clearly unimpressed by the
> > amazing scenes.
> > >
> > >By now the boy is getting tipsy, but with his new hands
> > he reaches
> > down, grabs
> > >his drink and guzzles the last of
> > it. Plop! Plip! Two legs pop out.
> > The bar is
> > >in chaos.
> > >
> > >The father falls to his knees and tearfully thanks God.
> > The boy stands
> > >up on his new legs and stumbles to the left then
> > staggers to the right
> > >through the front door, into the street where a truck
> > runs over him and
> >
> > >kills him instantly. The bar falls silent.
> > >
> > >The father moans in grief. The bartender sighs and
> > says,
> > >
> > >
> > >
> > >
> > >
> > >(Wait for it.)
> > >
> > >
> > >
> > >*
> > >
> > >
> > >*
> > >
> > >
> > >
> > >*
> > >
> > >(It's coming.)
> > >
> > >
> > >
> > >*
> > >
> > >
> > >*
> > >(Ya ready)
> > >
> > >
> > >
> > >
> > >
> > >
> > >
> > > (Don't hate me!)
> > >
> > >
> > >
> > >
> > >*
> > >
> > >
> > > (Yer gonna hate me!)
> > >
> > >
> > >
> > >*
> > >
> > >
> > >
> > >*
> > >
> > >
> > >*
> > >
> > >
> > >
> > >
> > >
> > >*
> > >
> > >
> > >*
> > >" He should've quit while he was a head!"
..
.ero
> > >The Power of Alcohol.
> > >
> > >A man is waiting for his wife to give birth. The doctor
> > comes in and
> > >informs the dad that his son was born without torso,
> > arms or legs. The
> > son is just a head!
> > >But the dad loves his son and raises him as well as he
> > can, with love
> > >and compassion.
> > >
> > >After 21 years, the son is now old enough for his first
> > drink. Dad
> > >takes him to the bar, tearfully tells the son he is
> > proud of him and
> > >orders up the biggest, strongest drink for his
> > boy. With all the bar
> > >patrons looking on curiously and the bartender shaking
> > his head in
> > >disbelief, the boy takes his first sip of alcohol.
> > >
> > >Swoooosh! Plop! A torso pops
> > out! The bar is dead silent; then
> > >bursts into whoops of joy. The father, shocked,
> > begs his son to drink
> > >again. The patrons chant "Take another
> > drink!"
> > >
> > >The bartender continues to shake his head in dismay .
> > Swoooosh! Plip!
> > >Plop! Two arms pop out.
> > >
> > >The bar goes wild. The father crying and wailing,
> > begs his son to
> > drink again.
> > >The patrons chant, "Take another drink! Take
> > another drink!"
> > >The bartender ignores the whole affair and goes back to
> > polishing
> > >glasses, shaking his head, clearly unimpressed by the
> > amazing scenes.
> > >
> > >By now the boy is getting tipsy, but with his new hands
> > he reaches
> > down, grabs
> > >his drink and guzzles the last of
> > it. Plop! Plip! Two legs pop out.
> > The bar is
> > >in chaos.
> > >
> > >The father falls to his knees and tearfully thanks God.
> > The boy stands
> > >up on his new legs and stumbles to the left then
> > staggers to the right
> > >through the front door, into the street where a truck
> > runs over him and
> >
> > >kills him instantly. The bar falls silent.
> > >
> > >The father moans in grief. The bartender sighs and
> > says,
> > >
> > >
> > >
> > >
> > >
> > >(Wait for it.)
> > >
> > >
> > >
> > >*
> > >
> > >
> > >*
> > >
> > >
> > >
> > >*
> > >
> > >(It's coming.)
> > >
> > >
> > >
> > >*
> > >
> > >
> > >*
> > >(Ya ready)
> > >
> > >
> > >
> > >
> > >
> > >
> > >
> > > (Don't hate me!)
> > >
> > >
> > >
> > >
> > >*
> > >
> > >
> > > (Yer gonna hate me!)
> > >
> > >
> > >
> > >*
> > >
> > >
> > >
> > >*
> > >
> > >
> > >*
> > >
> > >
> > >
> > >
> > >
> > >*
> > >
> > >
> > >*
> > >" He should've quit while he was a head!"
..
.ero
6/20/10
HOW TO HANDLE A HUSBAND
from Delinda,
| HOW TO HANDLE A HUSBAND A couple was celebrating their golden wedding anniversary on the beaches in Montego Bay , Jamaica . Their domestic tranquility had long been the talk of the town. People would say, 'What a peaceful & loving couple' The local newspaper reporter was inquiring as to the secret of their long and happy marriage. The Husband replied: 'Well, it dates back to our honeymoon in America ,' explained the man. 'We visited the Grand Canyon, in Arizona , and took a trip down to the bottom of the canyon, by horse. We hadn't gone too far when my wife's horse stumbled and she almost fell off. My wife looked down at the horse and quietly said, 'That's once.' We proceeded a little further and her horse stumbled again. Again my wife quietly said, 'That's twice.' We hadn't gone a half-mile when the horse stumbled for the third time my wife quietly removed a revolver from her purse and shot the horse dead. I SHOUTED at her, 'What's wrong with you, Woman! Why did you shoot the poor animal like that, are you *%&#@$ crazy!?' She looked at ME, and quietly said, 'That's once.' Cabrowar | .. | .ero | . |
6/19/10
Two hillbillies walk into a restaurant
Image via Wikipedia
from Debra: Two hillbillies walk into a restaurant. While having a bite to eat, they talk about their moonshine operation. Suddenly, a woman at a nearby table, who is eating a sandwich, begins to cough. After a minute or so, it becomes apparent that she is in real distress. One of the hillbillies looks at her and says, 'Kin ya swallar?' The woman shakes her head no. Then he asks, 'Kin ya breathe?' The woman begins to turn blue and shakes her head no. The hillbilly walks over to the woman, lifts up her dress, yanks down her drawers and quickly gives her right butt cheek a lick with his tongue. The woman is so shocked that she has a violent spasm and the obstruction flies out of her mouth. As she begins to breathe again, the Hillbilly walks slowly back to his table. His partner says, 'Ya know, I'd heerd of that there 'Hind Lick Maneuver' but I ain't niver seed nobody do it!' If you don't send this to five friends, there will be five fewer people laughing in the SOUTH :D .. .ero |
6/10/10
YouTube - TIG NOTARO on Last Comic Standing 4
"unedited version of 'No Moleste'"
TIG NOTARO on Last Comic Standing 4
tignation
http://www.youtube.com/user/tignation
— July 04, 2006 —
unedited version of "No Moleste"
..
.ero
.
6/9/10
Pomeranian bowling
"You brought the fucking Pomeranian bowling?"
"I haven't brought it bowling...I didn't rent it shoes, I'm not buying it a fucking beer, it's not taking a fucking turn..."
[from The Big Lebowski]
~~The Random Quote Generator
http://www.dymphna.net/randomquotage/index.html
..
.ero
.
"I haven't brought it bowling...I didn't rent it shoes, I'm not buying it a fucking beer, it's not taking a fucking turn..."
[from The Big Lebowski]
~~The Random Quote Generator
http://www.dymphna.net/randomquotage/index.html
..
.ero
.
6/8/10
I'm from the government...don't tell me what I can and can't do!
from Micaela
=========
DEA officer stops at a ranch in Texas , and talks with an old rancher. He tells the rancher, "I need to inspect your ranch for
illegally grown drugs." The rancher says, "Okay, but do not go in that field over there," as he points out the location.
The DEA officer verbally explodes saying, "Mister, I have the authority of the Federal Government with me." Reaching into
his rear pants pocket, he removes his badge and proudly displays it to the rancher. "See this badge? This badge means I am
allowed to go wherever I wish.... On any land. No questions asked or answers given. Have I made myself clear?
Do you understand? "
The rancher nods politely, apologizes, and goes about his chores.
A short time later, the old rancher hears loud screams and sees the DEA officer running for his life chased by the rancher's
big Santa Gertrudis bull......
.jpg)
..
.ero
.
=========
DEA officer stops at a ranch in Texas , and talks with an old rancher. He tells the rancher, "I need to inspect your ranch for
illegally grown drugs." The rancher says, "Okay, but do not go in that field over there," as he points out the location.
The DEA officer verbally explodes saying, "Mister, I have the authority of the Federal Government with me." Reaching into
his rear pants pocket, he removes his badge and proudly displays it to the rancher. "See this badge? This badge means I am
allowed to go wherever I wish.... On any land. No questions asked or answers given. Have I made myself clear?
Do you understand? "
The rancher nods politely, apologizes, and goes about his chores.
A short time later, the old rancher hears loud screams and sees the DEA officer running for his life chased by the rancher's
big Santa Gertrudis bull......
.jpg)
..
.ero
.
5/29/10
cute puns
via Lori Lupo
Subject: cute puns
1. Two antennas met on a roof, fell in love and got married. The ceremony wasn't much, but the reception was excellent.
2. A jumper cable walks into a bar. The bartender says, "I'll serve you, but don't start anything."
3. Two peanuts walk into a bar, and one was a salted.
4. A dyslexic man walks into a bra.
5. A man walks into a bar with a slab of asphalt under his arm and says: "A beer please, and one for the road."
6. Two cannibals are eating a clown. One says to the other: "Does this taste funny to you?"
7. "Doc, I can't stop singing 'The Green, Green Grass of Home.'" "That sounds like Tom Jones Syndrome." "Is it common?" Well, "It's Not Unusual."
8. Two cows are standing next to each other in a field. Daisy says to Dolly, "I was artificially inseminated this morning." "I don't believe you," says Dolly. "It's true, no bull!" exclaims Daisy.
9. An invisible man marries an invisible woman. The kids were nothing to look at either.
10. Deja Moo: The feeling that you've heard this bull before.
11. I went to buy some camouflage trousers the other day but I couldn't find any.
12. A man woke up in a hospital after a serious accident. He shouted, "Doctor, doctor, I can't feel my legs!" The doctor replied, "I know you can't - I've cut off your arms!"
13. I went to a seafood disco last week...and pulled a mussel.
14. What do you call a fish with no eyes? A fsh.
15. Two fish swim into a concrete wall. The one turns to the other and says " Dam !"
16. Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly, so they lit a fire in the craft. Unsurprisingly it sank, proving once again that you can't have your kayak and heat it too.
17. A group of chess enthusiasts checked into a hotel and were standing in the lobby discussing their recent tournamen t victories. After about an hour, the manager came out of the office and asked them to disperse. "But why," they asked, as they moved off. "Because," he said, "I can't stand chess-nuts boasting in an open foyer."
18. A woman has twins and gives them up for adoption. One of them goes to a family in Egypt and is named "Ahmal." The other goes to a family in Spain ; they name him " Juan ." Years later, Juan sends a picture of himself to his birth mother. Upon receiving the picture, she tells her husband that she wishes she also had a picture of Ahmal. Her husband responds, "They're twins! If you've seen Juan , you've seen Ahmal."
19. Mahatma Gandhi, as you know, walked barefoot most of the time, which produced an impressive set of calluses on his feet. He also ate ver y little, which made him rather frail and with his odd diet, he suffered from bad breath. This made him. (Oh, man, this is so bad, it's good. . .) A super calloused fragile mystic hexed by halitosis.
20. And finally, there was the person who sent twenty different puns to his friends, with the hope that at least ten of the puns would make them laugh. No pun in ten did
,
![Reblog this post [with Zemanta]](http://img.zemanta.com/reblog_e.png?x-id=bcb84ac5-505a-4b7f-bcc6-3850cf7320fe)
Subject: cute puns
1. Two antennas met on a roof, fell in love and got married. The ceremony wasn't much, but the reception was excellent.
2. A jumper cable walks into a bar. The bartender says, "I'll serve you, but don't start anything."
3. Two peanuts walk into a bar, and one was a salted.
4. A dyslexic man walks into a bra.
5. A man walks into a bar with a slab of asphalt under his arm and says: "A beer please, and one for the road."
6. Two cannibals are eating a clown. One says to the other: "Does this taste funny to you?"
7. "Doc, I can't stop singing 'The Green, Green Grass of Home.'" "That sounds like Tom Jones Syndrome." "Is it common?" Well, "It's Not Unusual."
8. Two cows are standing next to each other in a field. Daisy says to Dolly, "I was artificially inseminated this morning." "I don't believe you," says Dolly. "It's true, no bull!" exclaims Daisy.
9. An invisible man marries an invisible woman. The kids were nothing to look at either.
10. Deja Moo: The feeling that you've heard this bull before.
11. I went to buy some camouflage trousers the other day but I couldn't find any.
12. A man woke up in a hospital after a serious accident. He shouted, "Doctor, doctor, I can't feel my legs!" The doctor replied, "I know you can't - I've cut off your arms!"
13. I went to a seafood disco last week...and pulled a mussel.
14. What do you call a fish with no eyes? A fsh.
15. Two fish swim into a concrete wall. The one turns to the other and says " Dam !"
16. Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly, so they lit a fire in the craft. Unsurprisingly it sank, proving once again that you can't have your kayak and heat it too.
17. A group of chess enthusiasts checked into a hotel and were standing in the lobby discussing their recent tournamen t victories. After about an hour, the manager came out of the office and asked them to disperse. "But why," they asked, as they moved off. "Because," he said, "I can't stand chess-nuts boasting in an open foyer."
18. A woman has twins and gives them up for adoption. One of them goes to a family in Egypt and is named "Ahmal." The other goes to a family in Spain ; they name him " Juan ." Years later, Juan sends a picture of himself to his birth mother. Upon receiving the picture, she tells her husband that she wishes she also had a picture of Ahmal. Her husband responds, "They're twins! If you've seen Juan , you've seen Ahmal."
19. Mahatma Gandhi, as you know, walked barefoot most of the time, which produced an impressive set of calluses on his feet. He also ate ver y little, which made him rather frail and with his odd diet, he suffered from bad breath. This made him. (Oh, man, this is so bad, it's good. . .) A super calloused fragile mystic hexed by halitosis.
20. And finally, there was the person who sent twenty different puns to his friends, with the hope that at least ten of the puns would make them laugh. No pun in ten did
,
5/18/10
Vic Lee
via
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Steve Jobs vs. Bill Gates
Steve Jobs vs. Bill Gates
SadAndUseless.com:
Steve:
How much space
does Windows 7 take?
Bill:
All it can find.
. . .
..
ero
.
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SadAndUseless.com:
Steve:
How much space
does Windows 7 take?
Bill:
All it can find.
. . .
..
ero
.
5/8/10
What is 'Butt dust'?
Image via WikipediaWhat, you ask, is 'Butt dust'? Read on and you'll discover the joy in it! These have to be original and genuine. No adult is this creative!!
JACK (age 3) was watching his Mom breast-feeding his new baby sister. After a while he asked: 'Mom why have you got two? Is one for hot and one for cold milk?'
MELANIE (age 5) asked her Granny how old she was. Granny replied she was so old she didn't remember any more. Melanie said, 'If you don't remember you must look in the back of your panties. Mine say five to six..'STEVEN (age 3) hugged and kissed his Mom good night. 'I love you so much that when you die I'm going to bury you outside my bedroom window.'
BRITTANY (age 4) had an ear ache and wanted a pain killer.. She tried in vain to take the lid off the bottle. Seeing her frustration, her Mom explained it was a child-proof cap and she'd have to open it for her. Eyes wide with wonder, the little girl asked: 'How does it know it's me?'
SUSAN (age 4) was drinking juice when she got the hiccups. 'Please don't give me this juice again,' she said, 'It makes my teeth cough.'
DJ (age 4) stepped onto the bathroom scale and asked: 'How much do I cost?'
MARC (age 4) was engrossed in a young couple that were hugging and kissing in a restaurant. Without taking his eyes off them, he asked his dad: 'Why is he whispering in her mouth?'
CLINTON (age 5) was in his bedroom looking worried. When his Mom asked what was troubling him, he replied, 'I don't know what'll happen with this bed when I get married. How will my wife fit in it?'
JAMES (age 4) was listening to a Bible story. His dad read : 'The man named Lot was warned to take his wife and flee out of the city but his wife looked back and was turned to salt.' Concerned, James asked: 'What happened to the flea?'
TAMMY (age 4) was with her mother when they met an elderly, rather wrinkled woman her Mom knew. Tammy looked at her for a while and then asked, 'Why doesn't your skin fit your face?'
The Sermon I think this Mom will never forget...this particular Sunday sermon.....'Dear Lord,' the minister began, with arms extended toward heaven and a rapturous look on his upturned face. 'Without you, we are but dust...' He would have continued but at that moment my very obedient daughter who was listening leaned over to me and asked quite audibly in her shrill little four year old girl voice, 'Mom, what is butt dust?' "Life isn't about how to survive the storm,but how to dance in the rain."
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5/5/10
TWO OLD MEN DECIDE
TWO OLD MEN DECIDE THEY ARE CLOSE TO THEIR LAST DAYS AND DECIDE TO HAVE A LAST NIGHT ON THE TOWN.
AFTER A FEW DRINKS, THEY END UP AT THE LOCAL BROTHEL
THE MADAM TAKES ONE LOOK AT THE TWO OLD GEEZERS AND WHISPERS TO HER MANAGER, “GO UP TO THE FIRST TWO BEDROOMS AND PUT AN INFLATED DOLL IN EACH BED.”
THESE TWO ARE SO OLD AND DRUNK, I'M NOT WASTING TWO OF MY GIRLS ON THEM. THEY WON'T KNOW THE DIFFERENCE.'
THE MANAGER DOES AS HE IS TOLD AND THE TWO OLD MEN GO UPSTAIRS AND TAKE CARE OF THEIR BUSINESS. AS THEY ARE WALKING HOME THE FIRST MAN SAYS,
'YOU KNOW, I THINK MY GIRL WAS DEAD!'
'DEAD?' SAYS HIS FRIEND, 'WHY DO YOU SAY THAT?'
'WELL, SHE NEVER MOVED OR MADE A SOUND ALL THE TIME I WAS LOVING HER.'
'YOU KNOW, I THINK MY GIRL WAS DEAD!'
'DEAD?' SAYS HIS FRIEND, 'WHY DO YOU SAY THAT?'
'WELL, SHE NEVER MOVED OR MADE A SOUND ALL THE TIME I WAS LOVING HER.'
HIS FRIEND SAYS, 'COULD BE WORSE I THINK MINE WAS A WITCH.'
'A WITCH ??. . WHY THE HELL WOULD YOU SAY THAT?'
'A WITCH ??. . WHY THE HELL WOULD YOU SAY THAT?'
WELL, I WAS MAKING LOVE TO HER, KISSING HER ON THE NECK, AND I GAVE HER A LITTLE BITE, THEN SHE FARTED AND FLEW OUT THE WINDOW..... TOOK MY TEETH WITH HER!
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