"Elvis - Jesus Similarities: Coincidence or fate?"
12/30/10
Capricorn Sense of Humor by Satori » AstroDispatch.com » Astrology Around The Web
Capricorn Sense of Humor by Satori » AstroDispatch.com » Astrology Around The Web:
"For one thing they’re pretty discerning about when humor is appropriate."
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.ero
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"For one thing they’re pretty discerning about when humor is appropriate."
..
.ero
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12/26/10
Astrology Jokes
Astrology Jokes:
"CAPRICORN: It might take Capricorn a little while to realize he is dead because there are special rooms set up to look like executive offices for newly-dead Goats.
A sharp-looking, older gentleman-ghost comes in and gives Cap an instruction manual titled HOW TO PROFIT IN THE ASTRAL MARKETPLACE, plus a 'job evaluation' type assessment of Cap's achievements and mistakes over the lifetime, followed by a pink slip (meaning the body revived).
Caps tend to return to their bodies quickly, unable to tolerate non-physical existence for long."
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.ero
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12/21/10
12/19/10
“OLD PEOPLE'S” MEMORY TEST
Image via Wikipedia“OLD PEOPLE'S” MEMORY TESTThis is not a pushover test. There are 20 questions. Average score is 12. This one will be very difficult for the younger set.Have fun, but no peeking! When you forward this to your friends/family, put your score in the subject line andlet them know your score. Don't forget to forward it to me, as well. Good luck youngsters!!* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * 1. What builds strong bodies 12 ways?A. Flintstones vitamins |
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12/12/10
12/11/10
how was I born?
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12/10/10
Hitler Sings
Season 3
Mr. Hankey's Christmas Classics
A sad little Hitler sings to himself in German while sitting around in Hell, but then Satan shows up and brightens the mood.
Chili Cook-Off
Image via Wikipedia{via Jimbo}|=====================================
Chili Cook-Off
If you can read this whole story without laughing, then there's no hope for
you. I was crying by the end. This is an actual account as relayed to
paramedics at a chili cook-off in Texas.
Note: Please take time to read this slowly. If you pay attention to the
first two judges, the reaction of the third judge is even better. For those
of you who have lived in Texas, you know how true this is. They actually
have a Chili Cook-off about the time Halloween comes around. It takes up a
major portion of a parking lot at the San Antonio City Park.
Judge #3 was an inexperienced Chili taster named Frank, who was visiting
from Springfield, IL.
Frank: “Recently, I was honored to be selected as a judge at a chili
cook-off. The original person called in sick at the last moment and I
happened to be standing there at the judge's table, asking for directions to
the Coors Light truck, when the call came in. I was assured by the other two
judges (Native Texans) that the chili wouldn’t be all that spicy; and,
besides, they told me I could have free beer during the tasting, so I
accepted and became Judge 3.”
Here are the scorecard notes from the event:
CHILI # 1 - MIKE'S MANIAC MONSTER CHILI
Judge # 1 -- A little too heavy on the tomato. Amusing kick.
Judge # 2 -- Nice, smooth tomato flavor. Very mild.
Judge # 3 (Frank) -- Holy crap, what the hell is this stuff? You could
remove dried paint from your driveway. Took me two beers to put the flames
out. I hope that’s the worst one. These Texans are crazy.
CHILI # 2 - AUSTIN 'S AFTERBURNER CHILI
Judge # 1 -- Smoky, with a hint of pork. Slight jalapeno tang.
Judge # 2 -- Exciting BBQ flavor, needs more peppers to be taken seriously.
Judge # 3 -- Keep this out of the reach of children. I'm not sure what I'm
supposed to taste besides pain. I had to wave off two people who wanted to
give me the Heimlich maneuver. They had to rush in more beer when they saw
the look on my face.
CHILI # 3 - FRED'S FAMOUS BURN DOWN THE BARN CHILI
Judge # 1 -- Excellent firehouse chili. Great kick.
Judge # 2 -- A bit salty, good use of peppers.
Judge # 3 -- Call the EPA. I've located a uranium spill. My nose feels like
I have been snorting Drano. Everyone knows the routine by now. Get me more
beer before I ignite. Barmaid pounded me on the back, now my backbone is in
the front part of my chest. I'm getting sh*t-faced from all of the beer.
CHILI # 4 - BUBBA'S BLACK MAGIC
Judge # 1 -- Black bean chili with almost no spice. Disappointing.
Judge # 2 -- Hint of lime in the black beans. Good side dish for fish or
other mild foods, not much of a chili.
Judge # 3 -- I felt something scraping across my tongue, but was unable to
taste it. Is it possible to burn out taste buds? Sally, the beer maid, was
standing behind me with fresh refills. This 300 lb. woman is starting to
look HOT ... just like this nuclear waste I'm eating! Is chili an
aphrodisiac?
CHILI # 5 - LISA’S LEGAL LIP REMOVER
Judge # 1 -- Meaty, strong chili. Cayenne peppers freshly ground, adding
considerable kick. Very impressive.
Judge # 2 -- Chili using shredded beef, could use more tomato. Must admit
the cayenne peppers make a strong statement.
Judge # 3 -- My ears are ringing, sweat is pouring off my forehead, and I
can no longer focus my eyes. I farted, and four people behind me needed
paramedics. The contestant seemed offended when I told her that her chili
had given me brain damage. Sally saved my tongue from bleeding by pouring
beer directly on it from the pitcher. I wonder if I’m burning my lips off..
It really ticks me off that the other judges asked me to stop screaming.
Screw them.
CHILI # 6 - VERA'S VERY VEGETARIAN VARIETY
Judge # 1 -- Thin yet bold vegetarian variety chili. Go od balance of spices
and peppers.
Judge # 2 -- The best yet. Aggressive use of peppers, onions, garlic.
Superb.
Judge # 3 -- My intestines are now a straight pipe filled with gaseous,
sulfuric flames. I crapped on myself when I farted, and I’m worried it will
eat through the chair. No one seems inclined to stand behind me except that
Sally. Can't feel my lips anymore. I need to wipe my butt with a snow cone.
CHILI # 7 - SUSAN'S SCREAMING SENSATION CHILI
Judge # 1 -- A mediocre chili with too much reliance on canned peppers.
Judge # 2 -- Ho hum, tastes as if the chef literally threw in a can of chili
peppers at the last moment. **I should take note that I am worried about
judge number 3. He appears to be in a bit of distress as he is cursing
uncontrollably.
Judge # 3 -- You could put a grenade in my mouth, pull the pin, and I
wouldn't feel a thing. I've lost sight in one eye, and the world sounds like
it is made of rushing water. My shirt is covered with chili, which slid
unnoticed out of my mouth. My pants are full of lava to match my shirt. At
least during the autopsy, they'll know what killed me. I've decided to stop
breathing. It's too painful. Screw it; I'm not getting any oxygen anyway. If
I need air, I'll just suck it i n through the 4-inch hole in my stomach.
CHILI # 8 - BIG TOM'S TOENAIL CURLING CHILI
Judge # 1 -- The perfect ending, this is a nice blend chili. Not too bold
but spicy enough to declare its existence.
Judge # 2 -- This final entry is a good, balanced chili. Neither mild nor
hot. Sorry to see that most of it was lost when Judge #3 farted, passed out,
fell over and pulled the chili pot down on top of himself. Not sure if he's
going to make it. Poor feller, wonder how he'd have reacted to really hot
chili?
Judge # 3 - No Report
If you can read this whole story without laughing, then there's no hope for
you. I was crying by the end. This is an actual account as relayed to
paramedics at a chili cook-off in Texas.
Note: Please take time to read this slowly. If you pay attention to the
first two judges, the reaction of the third judge is even better. For those
of you who have lived in Texas, you know how true this is. They actually
have a Chili Cook-off about the time Halloween comes around. It takes up a
major portion of a parking lot at the San Antonio City Park.
Judge #3 was an inexperienced Chili taster named Frank, who was visiting
from Springfield, IL.
Frank: “Recently, I was honored to be selected as a judge at a chili
cook-off. The original person called in sick at the last moment and I
happened to be standing there at the judge's table, asking for directions to
the Coors Light truck, when the call came in. I was assured by the other two
judges (Native Texans) that the chili wouldn’t be all that spicy; and,
besides, they told me I could have free beer during the tasting, so I
accepted and became Judge 3.”
Here are the scorecard notes from the event:
CHILI # 1 - MIKE'S MANIAC MONSTER CHILI
Judge # 1 -- A little too heavy on the tomato. Amusing kick.
Judge # 2 -- Nice, smooth tomato flavor. Very mild.
Judge # 3 (Frank) -- Holy crap, what the hell is this stuff? You could
remove dried paint from your driveway. Took me two beers to put the flames
out. I hope that’s the worst one. These Texans are crazy.
CHILI # 2 - AUSTIN 'S AFTERBURNER CHILI
Judge # 1 -- Smoky, with a hint of pork. Slight jalapeno tang.
Judge # 2 -- Exciting BBQ flavor, needs more peppers to be taken seriously.
Judge # 3 -- Keep this out of the reach of children. I'm not sure what I'm
supposed to taste besides pain. I had to wave off two people who wanted to
give me the Heimlich maneuver. They had to rush in more beer when they saw
the look on my face.
CHILI # 3 - FRED'S FAMOUS BURN DOWN THE BARN CHILI
Judge # 1 -- Excellent firehouse chili. Great kick.
Judge # 2 -- A bit salty, good use of peppers.
Judge # 3 -- Call the EPA. I've located a uranium spill. My nose feels like
I have been snorting Drano. Everyone knows the routine by now. Get me more
beer before I ignite. Barmaid pounded me on the back, now my backbone is in
the front part of my chest. I'm getting sh*t-faced from all of the beer.
CHILI # 4 - BUBBA'S BLACK MAGIC
Judge # 1 -- Black bean chili with almost no spice. Disappointing.
Judge # 2 -- Hint of lime in the black beans. Good side dish for fish or
other mild foods, not much of a chili.
Judge # 3 -- I felt something scraping across my tongue, but was unable to
taste it. Is it possible to burn out taste buds? Sally, the beer maid, was
standing behind me with fresh refills. This 300 lb. woman is starting to
look HOT ... just like this nuclear waste I'm eating! Is chili an
aphrodisiac?
CHILI # 5 - LISA’S LEGAL LIP REMOVER
Judge # 1 -- Meaty, strong chili. Cayenne peppers freshly ground, adding
considerable kick. Very impressive.
Judge # 2 -- Chili using shredded beef, could use more tomato. Must admit
the cayenne peppers make a strong statement.
Judge # 3 -- My ears are ringing, sweat is pouring off my forehead, and I
can no longer focus my eyes. I farted, and four people behind me needed
paramedics. The contestant seemed offended when I told her that her chili
had given me brain damage. Sally saved my tongue from bleeding by pouring
beer directly on it from the pitcher. I wonder if I’m burning my lips off..
It really ticks me off that the other judges asked me to stop screaming.
Screw them.
CHILI # 6 - VERA'S VERY VEGETARIAN VARIETY
Judge # 1 -- Thin yet bold vegetarian variety chili. Go od balance of spices
and peppers.
Judge # 2 -- The best yet. Aggressive use of peppers, onions, garlic.
Superb.
Judge # 3 -- My intestines are now a straight pipe filled with gaseous,
sulfuric flames. I crapped on myself when I farted, and I’m worried it will
eat through the chair. No one seems inclined to stand behind me except that
Sally. Can't feel my lips anymore. I need to wipe my butt with a snow cone.
CHILI # 7 - SUSAN'S SCREAMING SENSATION CHILI
Judge # 1 -- A mediocre chili with too much reliance on canned peppers.
Judge # 2 -- Ho hum, tastes as if the chef literally threw in a can of chili
peppers at the last moment. **I should take note that I am worried about
judge number 3. He appears to be in a bit of distress as he is cursing
uncontrollably.
Judge # 3 -- You could put a grenade in my mouth, pull the pin, and I
wouldn't feel a thing. I've lost sight in one eye, and the world sounds like
it is made of rushing water. My shirt is covered with chili, which slid
unnoticed out of my mouth. My pants are full of lava to match my shirt. At
least during the autopsy, they'll know what killed me. I've decided to stop
breathing. It's too painful. Screw it; I'm not getting any oxygen anyway. If
I need air, I'll just suck it i n through the 4-inch hole in my stomach.
CHILI # 8 - BIG TOM'S TOENAIL CURLING CHILI
Judge # 1 -- The perfect ending, this is a nice blend chili. Not too bold
but spicy enough to declare its existence.
Judge # 2 -- This final entry is a good, balanced chili. Neither mild nor
hot. Sorry to see that most of it was lost when Judge #3 farted, passed out,
fell over and pulled the chili pot down on top of himself. Not sure if he's
going to make it. Poor feller, wonder how he'd have reacted to really hot
chili?
Judge # 3 - No Report
12/8/10
that little thing?
the things that are the same for everyone: the universal.
the things that are different: the personal.
that little dance right there.
that little thing?
thats God.
the things that are different: the personal.
that little dance right there.
that little thing?
thats God.
12/5/10
12/4/10
YouTube - How do women react when they see a BIG penis?
YouTube - How do women react when they see a BIG penis?:
"How do women react when they see a BIG penis?"
..
.ero
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