090. Next Year’s Model | E-merl.com ~ New Experiments In Fiction:
090. Next Year’s Model
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12/26/11
12/23/11
The Tintin Trailer
Watch The Tintin Trailer | Tintin.com
www.tintin.com
On The Official Movie Site In Theaters This Christmas 
12/22/11
12/8/11
12/7/11
The Arrogance of Authority
The Arrogance of Authority
A DEA officer stopped at a ranch in Texas , and talked with an old rancher.
He told the rancher, "I need to inspect your ranch for illegally grown drugs."
The rancher said, "Okay , but don't go in that field over there.....," as he pointed out the location. "
The DEA officer verbally exploded saying, "Mister, I have the authority of the Federal Government with me !"
Reaching into his rear pants pocket, he removed his badge and proudly displayed it to the rancher.
"See this badge?! This badge means I am allowed to go wherever I wish.... On any land !!
No questions asked or answers given!! Have I made myself clear......do you understand ?!!"
The rancher nodded politely, apologized, and went about his chores.
A short time later, the old rancher heard loud screams, looked up, and saw the DEA officer running for his life, being chased by the rancher's big Santa Gertrudis bull....
With every step the bull was gaining ground on the officer, and it seemed likely that he'd sure enough get gored before he reached safety. The officer was clearly terrified.
The rancher threw down his tools, ran to the fence and yelled at the top of his lungs.....
(I just love this part....)
"Your badge, show him your BADGE........ !!"
12/4/11
84-year-old claims TSA strip-search - CBS News
84-year-old claims TSA strip-search - CBS News:
"Lenore Zimmerman of Long Beach, L.I., said she was on her way to a flight to Fort Lauderdale, Fla., when she was whisked into a private room by security who removed her clothes."
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Staten Island man sues mother-in-law for spreading infertility lies - NYPOST.com
Image via Wikipedia"She then spread a host of lies, including that Shoman couldn’t put a bun in Suha’s oven and that he had enough diseases to be a one-man plague, including leukemia and a bone ailment, and would be dead in a few months, according to papers filed in Brooklyn Supreme Court."
{too real to be bullshit!}ero
{too real to be bullshit!}ero
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12/3/11
Brain Rot: I Am The 99% - Boing Boing
Brain Rot: I Am The 99% - Boing Boing:
"Brain Rot: I Am The 99%
By Ed Piskor at 10:08 am Tuesday, Nov 29"
By Ed Piskor at 10:08 am Tuesday, Nov 29"
11/28/11
11/27/11
11/23/11
11/22/11
Sokoblovsky Farms - Russia's Finest Purveyors of Miniature Lap Giraffes
Sokoblovsky Farms - Russia's Finest Purveyors of Miniature Lap Giraffes:
"WELCOME to world wide famous Sokoblovsky Farms.
The best and only breeders of Petite Lap Giraffes."
The best and only breeders of Petite Lap Giraffes."
11/20/11
11/16/11
Ruins of Oldest Protestant Church in America Found at Jamestown, Christian News
Image via Wikipedia
The church, which was 64 feet by 24 feet, also runs contrary to the common narrative on religion linked to Jamestown colony.
11/13/11
11/7/11
What News Anchors Do During Commercial Breaks [VIDEO]
What News Anchors Do During Commercial Breaks [VIDEO]: "What News Anchors Do During Commercial Breaks [VIDEO]
Nov 6, 2011"
hilarious. g'wan u no u wanna laff :-)
Nov 6, 2011"
hilarious. g'wan u no u wanna laff :-)
11/2/11
10/31/11
10/24/11
Little Johnny strikes again
via
Danny N.
Little Johnny strikes
again"
The teacher asked the class to use the word 'fascinate' in
a sentence.
Molly put
up her hand and said, 'My family went to my granddad's
farm and we all saw his pet sheep.
It was fascinating.'
The teacher said, 'That was good, but I wanted you to use
the word fascinate, not fascinating'.
Sally raised her hand. She said, 'My family went to see
Rock City and I was fascinated.'
The teacher said, 'Well, that was good Sally, but I wanted
you to use the word 'fascinate.'
Little Johnny raised his hand. The teacher hesitated
because she had been burned by Little Johnny before. She
finally decided there was no way he could damage the word
'fascinate', so she called on him for his offering.
Johnny said, 'My aunt Gina has a sweater with ten buttons,
but her tits are so big she can only fasin eight.'
The teacher sat down and cried.
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.ero
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Danny N.
Little Johnny strikes
again"
The teacher asked the class to use the word 'fascinate' in
a sentence.
Molly put
up her hand and said, 'My family went to my granddad's
farm and we all saw his pet sheep.
It was fascinating.'
The teacher said, 'That was good, but I wanted you to use
the word fascinate, not fascinating'.
Sally raised her hand. She said, 'My family went to see
Rock City and I was fascinated.'
The teacher said, 'Well, that was good Sally, but I wanted
you to use the word 'fascinate.'
Little Johnny raised his hand. The teacher hesitated
because she had been burned by Little Johnny before. She
finally decided there was no way he could damage the word
'fascinate', so she called on him for his offering.
Johnny said, 'My aunt Gina has a sweater with ten buttons,
but her tits are so big she can only fasin eight.'
The teacher sat down and cried.
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10/13/11
10/11/11
Home made superhero in pepper spray attack | Herald Sun
Home made superhero in pepper spray attack | Herald Sun: "A SELF-proclaimed superhero could be charged by police over an alleged pepper spray attack on revelers making their way home from a Seattle nightclub."
Phoenix Jones - known for his black and yellow bulletproof and stabproof outfit - was arrested and spent the night behind bars after the incident.
A supporter of his vigilante actions recorded the clash on video, with footage released to news website Publicola yesterday showing one of the females involved chasing Mr Jones and hitting him with her handbag and shoes.
Mr Jones says he was breaking up a fight when he sprayed four people with pepper spray, but footage appears not to show any confrontation between his victims, who told police they were singing and dancing as they walked home under an overpass when Mr Jones attacked.
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10/9/11
10/5/11
The Phyllis Diller Gag File | Albert H. Small Documents Gallery | Smithsonian NMAH
The Phyllis Diller Gag File | Albert H. Small Documents Gallery | Smithsonian NMAH: "“When I first got into this business I thought a punch line was organized drinking.”
“There is a big difference between a wit and a comic. A wit is someone who uses bigger words to get smaller laughs.”"
'via Blog this'
“There is a big difference between a wit and a comic. A wit is someone who uses bigger words to get smaller laughs.”"
'via Blog this'
9/17/11
Eel removed from man's bladder after entering penis during beauty spa | Metro.co.uk
Eel removed from man's bladder after entering penis during beauty spa | Metro.co.uk: "'I climbed into the bath and I could feel the eels nibbling my body. But then suddenly I felt a severe pain and realised a small eel had gone into the end of my penis,' the 56-year-old from Honghu, Hubei province said.
'I tried to hold it and take it out, but the eel was too slippery to be held and it disappeared up my penis.'"
'via Blog this'
'I tried to hold it and take it out, but the eel was too slippery to be held and it disappeared up my penis.'"
'via Blog this'
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9/16/11
Denver men take dead friend to bar, let him pay tab | The Salt Lake Tribune
Denver men take dead friend to bar, let him pay tab | The Salt Lake Tribune: "Denver • Two men accused of driving around with a dead friend and using his ATM card to withdraw $400 at a strip club are charged with abusing a corpse, identity theft and criminal impersonation."
'via Blog this'
'via Blog this'
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9/13/11
8/31/11
DC Comics Reboots Justice League and Other Series - NYTimes.com
DC Comics Reboots Justice League and Other Series - NYTimes.com: "Starting on Wednesday, the publisher is resetting all 52 of its continuing series, including venerable titles like Action Comics and Detective Comics that introduced Superman and Batman in the 1930s, at issue No. 1, and using the opportunity to revise or jettison decades of continuity in the heroes’ fictional lives."
'via Blog this'
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'via Blog this'
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8/22/11
Charles William Eliot (March 20, 1834 – August 22, 1926)
Image via Wikipedia"Be unselfish. That is the first and final commandment for those who would be useful and happy in their usefulness."
~~ Charles William Eliot
8/19/11
8/15/11
EMPLOYEE NOTICE
via
Danny N. (The Cuz)
EMPLOYEE NOTICE
**********************
Due to the current financial situation caused by the slowdown in the economy,
Congress has decided to implement a scheme to put workers of 50 years of age and above on early,
mandatory retirement, thus creating jobs and reducing unemployment.
This scheme will be known as RAPE (Retire Aged People Early).
Persons selected to be RAPED can apply to the government to be
considered for the SHAFT program (Special Help After Forced Termination).
Persons who have been RAPED and SHAFTED will be
reviewed under the SCREW program (System Covering Retired-Early Workers).
A person may be RAPED once,
SHAFTED twice and SCREWED as many times as the government deems appropriate.
Persons who have been RAPED could get AIDS (Additional Income for Dependants & Spouse)
or HERPES (Half Earnings for Retired Personnel Early Severance).
Obviously persons who have AIDS or HERPES will
not be SHAFTED or SCREWED any further by the government.
Persons who are not RAPED and are staying on will
receive as much SHIT (Special High Intensity Training) as possible.
The government has always prided themselves on the amount of SHIT they give our citizens.
Should you feel that you do not receive enough SHIT,
please bring this to the attention of your local Congressman,
who has been trained to give you all the SHIT you can handle.
Sincerely,
The Committee for Economic Value of Individual Lives (E.V.I.L.)
PS - Due to recent budget cuts and the rising cost of electricity,
gas and oil, as well as current market conditions,
the Light at the End of the Tunnel has been turned off.
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8/7/11
8/3/11
Church child protection chief caught with 4,000 child porn pictures - mirror.co.uk
Church child protection chief caught with 4,000 child porn pictures - mirror.co.uk: "His job was to monitor church groups to ensure paedophiles did not gain access to children in the church’s congregations.
But he was caught by police in March with more than 4,000 child porn images on his home computer and his work laptop."
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But he was caught by police in March with more than 4,000 child porn images on his home computer and his work laptop."
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7/27/11
Crusader Rabbit Crusade 1 Episode 01 - YouTube
Crusader Rabbit Crusade 1 Episode 01 - YouTube: "Crusader Rabbit Crusade 1 Episode 01"
7/23/11
Daily Kos: We Are The Whirled
Daily Kos: We Are The Whirled: "THU JUL 21, 2011 AT 06:50 AM PDT
We Are The Whirled
byMark FioreforComics"
We Are The Whirled
byMark FioreforComics"
7/19/11
7/16/11
Daily Kos: Mourning in America
Daily Kos: Mourning in America:
"THU JUL 14, 2011 AT 06:50 AM PDT
Mourning in America
byMark FioreforComics"
Mourning in America
byMark FioreforComics"
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7/15/11
7/13/11
Do you have any weapons with you?
Image via Wikipedia..
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An Arizona Department of Safety Officer pulled over a pick-up truck owner for a faulty taillight. When the officer approached the driver, the man behind the wheel handed the officer his driver’s license, insurance card and a concealed weapon carry permit.
The officer took all the documents, looked them over and said. "Mr..
Smith, I see you have a CCP. Do you have any weapons with you?"
The driver replied, " Yes sir, I have a 357 handgun in a hip holster, a
.45 in the glove box and a .22 derringer in my boot."
The officer looked at the driver and asked, "Anything else?"
"Yes sir, I have a Mossberg 500 12 gauge and an AR-15 behind the seat."
The officer asked if the man was driving to or from a shooting range
and the man said he wasn't, so the officer bent over and looked into the driver's face and said "Mr. Smith, you're carrying quite a few guns. May I ask what you are afraid of?
Mr. Smith locked eyes with the officer and calmly answered,
"Not a fucking thing!"
The officer took all the documents, looked them over and said. "Mr..
Smith, I see you have a CCP. Do you have any weapons with you?"
The driver replied, " Yes sir, I have a 357 handgun in a hip holster, a
.45 in the glove box and a .22 derringer in my boot."
The officer looked at the driver and asked, "Anything else?"
"Yes sir, I have a Mossberg 500 12 gauge and an AR-15 behind the seat."
The officer asked if the man was driving to or from a shooting range
and the man said he wasn't, so the officer bent over and looked into the driver's face and said "Mr. Smith, you're carrying quite a few guns. May I ask what you are afraid of?
Mr. Smith locked eyes with the officer and calmly answered,
"Not a fucking thing!"
7/3/11
6/26/11
6/25/11
Sources: C'mon, Just Give Us The Goddamn Pulitzer Already | The Onion - America's Finest News Source
Image by Getty Images via @daylife"You know what, sources added, fine, don’t give us the fucking award, keep it, we don’t care, we never wanted your stupid piece-of-shit prize anyway."
6/23/11
to impress that cute young thing
Via
Dougie Fresh
| An old guy … ok, a guy my age and not in the best of shape.... was working out in the gym when he spotted a sexy and beautiful young woman. He asked the nearby trainer.... "What machine should I use in here to impress that cute young thing over there?" The trainer looked him up and down and said..... "If I were you...I'd try the ATM in the lobby." |
6/19/11
Cow, an Ant and an Old Fart
via
Danny T.
A Cow, an Ant and an Old Fart are debating on who is the greatest of the three of them.
The Cow: I give 50 liters of milk every day and that's why I am the greatest!!
The Ant: I work day and night, summer and winter,
I can carry 52 times my own weight and that's why I am the greatest!!
Why are you scrolling down? It's your turn to say something...
6/18/11
6/13/11
5/23/11
Camping's gone camping
Image via WikipediaDoomsday Believers Cope With An Intact World : NPR: "'Judgment day has come and passed, but it was a spiritual judgment on the world,' he explains. 'There is no more salvation. Salvation is over with. The fact is we have 153 days, and on the 21st of October, the world will end.'"
Ricky Gervais:
" I'd like to thank God for making me an atheist"
5/10/11
5/8/11
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